June 24, 2009
Social Injustice: Too Much of You, Not Enough of Me
There are two kinds of injustice in the world today. There is true injustice, where someone has a legitimate concern regarding a situation. There is also perceived injustice, where someone believes the world is out to get them.
For example: If a man is “downsized” and must leave his home and move his family into a shelter. That is an injustice. He did nothing to deserve this fate, and nonetheless, here he is.
To the contrary: If a man has a bad day at work, leaves his job, then sues the place of business for causing him to leave, and loses the case, he may believe a grave injustice has just occurred.
I knew of a person who put in applications all over town and was never called in for an interview. I knew another person who sued a place of business because he believed they wouldn’t hire him.
I knew a person who asked out every boy in her grade to go to prom, then tried other schools when she was turned down. I knew a person who didn’t go to prom because she believed no one was going to ask her, anyway.
Today we put a lot of emphasis on FEELINGS. I know, I hear it all the time. Unfortunately, I hear it from people who believe only their feelings matter. If those people hurt my feelings, I need to get over it. If someone hurts their feelings, WATCH OUT!
Feelings come and go. It is the decisions we make that matter. If we FEEL passion for someone other than our spouse, should we have an affair? NO! If we FEEL passion for someone before marriage, should we disrobe on the spot? NO! If we feel angry, should we lash out? NO!
If we FEEL something strongly that goes against virtue and the present state of our vocations, we may need to speak with a spiritual advisor. In the meantime, renounce the devil and his lies!
Let’s build a better relationship with God and each other: Just enough of you, just enough of me.
May 23, 2009
When Your Help Isn’t Good Enough
Once upon a time there lived a young girl who longed to be part of a group. Whenever she was assigned a group project one of two things happened. Either she was ignored, and the other children completed the project without her, or she completed the project alone for the group. In both cases it was clear that she was not the person the group wanted to work with.
As she got older, she began to observe her classmates. She waited for key opportunities, and made herself helpful and yet forgetable. She received a casual thanks and offered a casual reply. She was not pushy, nor was she a doormat. She did not build relationships that could not be left behind. She came when there was a need, offered the help that was called for, and didn’t linger.
Over time she observed friendships being made, and she wanted that as well. She tried again to incorporate herself into the group. This time things were different. Because of the shared experiences they had had, the other members saw that she was willing to work hard for the cause. If the members weren’t her “friends,” they were at least “friendly.”
One day an opportunity came her way, and she brought it to her group. This time she was a leader calling for others to help with her project. She couldn’t wait to set up a committee to bring it all together. This project was going to help the group over all, and this young woman couldn’t wait to bring all of her talent to the table.
The group didn’t have time for her project. She was not asked to come to meetings anymore. They needed help with their own projects, and that meant that there was no time for hers. She was not asked to help anymore. She was alone again, wondering where she should go from there.
She turned to her husband and said, “Why do I even bother?”
He replied, “Because it’s the right thing to do.”
With a backpack full of talent and a lunchbox full of innovation, she was turned away at the door.
If we are called to do for others without counting cost, what do we do when the person we’re trying to help says, “Thanks, but no thanks,”?
We go to the next person and offer what we have.
We, in turn, must accept the people God places in our lives.
If there is a need, and someone comes along to meet that need in a positive way, why turn them away at the door? Why not work with that person to bring about the desired solution?
Because that means we have to compromise our vision.
God works through us to make us better. Perhaps that person was placed there to make your vision better.
Perhaps she was.
April 21, 2009
When the People You Associate With Aren’t Cool Enough to Love
Over the years I encountered people who want to know who else is going to a social event before they will commit to going. After all, it is not as important to know who is giving the party as it is to know who the person will be seen with… apparently.
I disagree. I believe that people need to look at the individual rather than the social standing.
For example:
If my friends make millions of dollars, drink the finest wines, and know all the right people, should that make you love me any more? Likewise, if my friends are poor, but are willing to share what they have, should you love me any less?
When I was turning 12 and on the verge of popularity, I invited all of the people I thought were my friends to my birthday party. Four of 15 showed up. (And one of those only did so because her mother told her it would be polite to come since she was invited.) This would not have bothered me but for the fact that the other 11 said they would be there.
When I was getting married, I invited 60 people who RSVP that they would happily be there. Of them 15 showed up.
Recently, I have invited many people I loved to my house concert and dessert tastings. I sent e-mails, paper invitations, and made phone calls. The only people who came were my parents (and one of my siblings), his parents (and one of his siblings), and a few special friends of the family, approximately 14 of 40 people.
As one can imagine, I always seem to have left-overs.
I talked to Stephen about this. He said three things that put it all in to perspective:
- The Truth isn’t popular. We should rejoice that were are persecuted–or neglected.
- If we want people to hear the message, we have to keep inviting them.
- A prophet is never known in his own home. People may want to listen to the music, but they just aren’t here.
Unfortunately, until Stephen wins a Grammy, has a few platinum albums on the wall, and a vacation home on the beach, the people I invite still aren’t going to come.
Bishop Giaquinta talks about Maximum Love. He says that we need to love without counting cost. We need to do the most instead of do the least. We need to help our brothers and sisters in Christ to get to Heaven.
I will keep inviting them to hear God’s message of hope and love. I will keep inviting them to come to the Water. I will keep loving them even when they turn away. I will wait at the door in hopes that the Spirit will lead them home.
April 14, 2009
Fake Friends and the Downfall of Fraternal Love
Once upon a time there was a woman who never wanted to follow. She was strong, outspoken, and led with an iron rod. She wanted things tidy, orderly, and mannerly. She despised rebellion–it just slowed things down. It was her way or the highway, and one day she realized that everyone she called friend had chosen the highway.
She had never been offered true friendship, so she didn’t know how to be a friend. She changed her personality to match the likes and dislikes of those around her. She changed her hair, her clothes, her hobbies, and her food choices to match those she wanted to impress. When that didn’t work, she started over. She met new people, observed their behavior, and became their friend. As if she had be fashioned in a Twilight Zone factory, she said all the right things, reacted to comments just so, and offered small tokens of affections and/or admiration every now and again. She made herself indispensable to them.
But she never knew if these new friends would like her if they knew the real her. It was a risk she couldn’t afford to take.
She carefully hid who she truly was, and hated herself for it. One day, she opened up, and her friends weren’t really listening. They were accustomed to a certain kind of behavior from her, and everything else was dismissed. She had made herself a valet, a maid, a jester, a servant, a shadow. Now, that was all she was.
The woman who could not make friends by bullying had now put herself on a leash for another, and that was where her “friends” meant to keep her.
We are all called to fraternal love with everyone we encounter. This doesn’t mean we keep people around because they give us things or do things for us. This also doesn’t mean we need to remain in so-called friendships where we must “prove” our loyalty by doing another person’s work or buying them gifts.
Jesus gave us an excellent example of fraternal love at the Last Supper. He washed the feet of His apostles and asked them to do the same for each other. The washing of the feet was a gesture of comfort. It soothed the hot, dirty, aching feet of another, and it was usually done by a servant of the household. He did not ask one of His apostles to wash HIS feet, and no one said, “Hey, Jesus, You’re always talking about love and service. Why don’t You practice what You preach and wash our nasty feet for us?”
Jesus saw the need to not only take care of His apostles, but also to teach them to take care of each other.
The woman mentioned in the beginning of this segment represents many people I have observed (myself included). We are all thirsting for the love of God and the love of neighbor, and yet we feel unworthy of it and lost in the desert of sorrow.
As a community of God, we all called to love without ever counting cost. Is it okay to feel upset or angry? Of course! But feelings are fleeting. We must focus on God’s infinite love and remember that we are His ambassadors to the world. I have spoken to people who are excellent examples of this, and I asked the obvious question… How do you do it?
The reply was simple, “I don’t let my personal feelings get in the way of how I treat people. Sure, I may be angry with them, but it will only make matters worse if I show that emotion. Two hours from now, I will have forgotten all about the fight we had. There is no reason to start a new one.”
And there you have it! If we love without counting cost, those people we don’t really want to call friends… especially the our true selves… will be more than friends. They will be our brothers and sisters in Christ!
April 7, 2009
Beauty & The Beast: Our Skewed Self-Image
I recently encountered a situation where someone found herself too pretty to date one suitor and not pretty enough for another. She was a high school girl who desired to be beautiful. She fixed her hair just right, put on just enough make-up, worked out, lost weight, wore the lasted fashions, and smiled at all the right moments. However, she and her dream man were destined to be “just friends” as he looked for his “Miss Right”.
The following year, she met a very nice boy. He saw her beauty even on days she didn’t wear make-up. While he found her curves quite nice to look at, her occasional loose jeans and a baggy sweatshirt made his heart skip a beat. As she dragged herself into class after a long night of studying, he longed ask her if there was anything he could do to help. She’d grace him with her smile and promise him she was fine.
In college, she dated both of them–a few years apart. The first decided it just wasn’t working out, but she wanted to remain friends. He was all right with that. The second started talking about marriage, and she began looking for ways to leave the relationship. His was a face she did not want to grow old with.
Thus, here we have three miserable people.
In the story of Beauty and the Beast, the girl is forced to live in an enchanted castle with a hideous beast. The Beast is cursed, and only her love can break the spell. Neither one are holding out a lot of hope for happiness in the near future.
Then something changes. God’s grace opens the girl’s heart with a touch of curiosity. She explores the castle. God’s grace also opens the the Beast’s heart. He gives her access to his library to pass the time.
Through God’s grace they have something in common. Those books represent shared experiences. They now slowly let their guard down. They even smile a little.
She doesn’t see him as a scary monster anymore. He doesn’t see her as a spoiled child anymore. There is potential here. There is hope.
In my favorite telling of the story, Beauty asked that the Beast remain as he was. She wanted him to keep the face she fell in love with. Her stories and letter to her family were so positive, that they accepted him without question. If Beauty wanted to marry Teen Wolf, who were they to judge?
The girl in our first story grew up to hate herself. It became her face that she didn’t want to grow old with. She didn’t want to be alone, but she didn’t know how to find anyone to love her. She hated that she wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough or better accepted by others. She became the Beast, trapped in the cursed castle of her own skewed self-image.
One day God’s grace opened her heart to one sweet risk. He led her to a retreat, where she met a man who was more attractive than the one who felt he had been better than her. This man also loved her as she was, without make-up, fashionable clothing, or perfect hair. Through God’s grace this third man in her life broke through all of her defenses, and showed her that she was deserving to happiness and love. Through God’s grace she accepted this third man’s marriage proposal.
Now Stephen and I have two sweet little children.
March 2009
Video Games–The New Pagan Deity
Last month I attended a gathering. The children present were friends of my boys, and mine were looking forward to playing with them. Sadly, the other children could not be bothered. The 4-year-old had a hand-held video game, and the 7-year-old had an mp3 player and headphones. Both were watching television at the same time.
My children were very disappointed by these events and sat off to the side of the main events. How could I explain that getting Scooter to level 9 was more important than playing with friends, when I didn’t understand it myself? I asked the child to pause his game while company was present. He told me this particular game didn’t have a pause button. The then paused his game when the food was served.
I remember when I was a child, and my nose was always in a book. If someone dropped by and asked if I wanted to come out and play, I jumped at the chance. If I had to decide between make-believe friends and real ones, the real ones won every time. It seems as if that isn’t the case anymore, and it makes me very sad.
My advice this month is to avoid video games (or gaming of any kind if it becomes a necessity for life). Children (and adults) can get lost in make-believe worlds and rarely walk away to get some fresh air. One can also implement gaming restrictions: after homework, not when company is present, in the car on road trips, etc.
Please help children learn that the real world can be made better only by their participation.
February 2009
Fashion and the Temple Prostitute
One of the things that separated the Israelites from the neighboring cultures were the ladies of the Temple. Israelites sent their daughters to the Temple to pray and remain consecrated virgins much the same way the Church encourages religious sisters today. The Cult of Baal was a different story. Their “holy women” were tools, objects used for someone else’s pleasure. Their activities were touted as a physical aspect of prayer. The Israelites were less than pleased by these events.
Today we see a resurgence of these views. “My body is beautiful, why can’t I show it off?” “This dress isn’t too short!” “You shouldn’t be looking at me like that, anyway!”
Girls today are encouraged by the media to look older, dress older, and be open with their bodies. Pageant girls as young as three years old are dressed and coached to entice the judges with their charms. They don’t know what it all means, but they do it. Teen dramas show girls in questionable attire, and this becomes the benchmark of “cool”. We are letting our girls become temple prostitutes.
How do we stop this?
We need to encourage our daughters. We need to tell them they are beautiful as they are. God made them. They don’t need gimicks. We need to tell them that their bodies are Temples of God and that they are Daughters of the King. They are worth more than they realize, and their virginity is a priceless gift that can only be given once.
Our daughters are not the only ones at risk. Our sons are told to conquer, to “play”, to use the young ladies around them. We must instill in them a self-respect that will enable them to treat their female friends with the respect that deserve. Perhaps if our sons treat the ladies with respect, the ladies will understand that they DO deserve it, and they may change their attitude about themselves and their role in relationships.
January 2009
The Television
Each day the average person is bombarded with secular images through the popular media designed to entice us toward complacency. While we may not be able to change was comes through our television set, we do have the power to turn the channel.
In my house we watch a lot of educational programming designed for small children. We have previewed it, our children enjoy it, and it will not lead them to question the authority of the Church.
Can the same be said for every show written and marketed for young people?
How many shows encourage children to rebel against their parents and find their own way? How many show a two-parent household with an overbearing mother, a clueless father, and children who backtalk and scheme to get their way? Those are just the “family” sitcoms. Shall I even discuss the teen dramas with teens having inappropriate relationships with teachers and other adults and hailed as heros for doing so?
In creating a Household of Holiness, we must take back our source of entertainment. We must carefully discern the message of both the show and its sponsors. If a show seems to say all the right things, but it is sponsored by birth control ads, alcoholic beverages, or other adult messages, perhaps this is not a show for young people.
Gone are the days when we can turn on PBS and leave the room. Now the fad of atheism is lurking all around us. It is more important than ever to know our faith backwards, forwards, and sideways, or we may be suseptible to the lies of “science” that say Christianity is made up. I have seen clips of “documentaries” where they have “Catholic” priests perpetuating the lies of these “theologeans” and “archeologists”. These messages move from immoral to dangerous for our children and uninformed youth.
We must be wary of what comes into our homes. We wouldn’t let strangers into out living room to babysit our children. Why do we allow their messages to do so?
Co-written with James Seberger, this song is not meant to be taken too seriously. It’s really about this culture of victimhood we live in and is meant to mock the world in a satirical way.
We can easily be led astray by the “expert” who thinks they know more and better than we do. Don’t be fooled!
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